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My parents married very young and when they were 3 months pregnant with me. The marriage lasted a year and
they divorced, my father eventually getting sole custody of me. When I was nearly 4, my father attended a family
reunion where he met one of his first cousins for the first time, Carmen. They fell head over heals in love, and
moved in together shortly after. They married when they found out they were pregnant. Sometime during this pregnancy,
my step-mother began studying with the JW's. She converted, my father eventually converted, and so I was basically
raised in a JW household.
My step-mother was very abusive, so I know that part of my childhood suffering was a result of her twisted mindset.
However, she used the JW religion to justify her actions all the time. From the very beginning, me and both my
younger brothers were forced to sit for 1-2 hours at a time at 3 weekly meetings and be still and quiet. I vividly
remember my brother being about 6-9 months old at one of the Book Studies. He would get restless and start to
whimper and fuss. My father would take him outside and spank him, wait for him to stop crying, then come back
and join the group. My brother would again start to fuss, and my dad took him back outside for another spanking.
This went on through the whole hour study, and for years at all the meetings until my brother was finally old
enough to understand that he had to be quiet or else. Of course, it wasn't just him, all three of us kids got
this treatment. Absolutely no fidgeting allowed. We were not allowed to bring any books or crayons or anything
to keep us quiet or busy. We were expected to sit still and listen to the minister without falling asleep or being
restless. Of course, none of us had any idea what the speaker was talking about or why we had to be there.
I remember doodling in the back cover of my Bible one night at a meeting. My step-mother caught me and jabbed
me with her pen. Actually, she did that a lot when I was doing something she didn't like at the meetings. When
we got home about 9pm, my step-mother decided I needed a lecture on the topic of paying attention. She lectured
for 3 hours. I didn't get to bed until after midnight. I was about 9 years old and had school the next day.
I was not allowed to make mistakes. If I missed a spot when I washed dishes, my step-mother would wait until after
everyone went to bed and was sound asleep. At about midnight, she would come into my bedroom, pull me out of bed
and into the kitchen by my hair, and tell me to rewash every dish in the house. Pots, pans, plates, silverware,
plastics, pitchers, everything. Then she would tell me that I'd "get it" if I woke anyone up. Then
she'd go to bed. I'd be up for a couple of hours rewashing everything. If I dared to complain or look anything
other than pleased, she would resort to slapping, shoving and name calling for having a bad attitude.
I was told hundreds of times that I was worthless, ugly, unlovable, no one would ever want me, an idiot, etc.
My step-mother told me many times that she would do whatever she had to to get me to behave. I wasn't a bad kid,
I was very placid and submissive. I'm still very quiet and low-key today. My step-mother took things to extreme
to keep us "under control". She once asked me where her car keys were. I said "I don't know…I
think I saw them on the kitchen counter." She looked and found them on the counter. I was then grounded
for one week (which consisted of 24 hr confinement to my room) because I said I didn't know where the keys were
when obviously I knew exactly where they were. I spent a lot of time in my room.
Another thing is that we were not allowed to have friends that were not JW's. And the JW's that we did know, didn't
really like us. I think they suspected that there was something wrong with my family and instinctively stayed
away. Don't really blame 'em. And we weren't allowed to read anything other than school textbooks and JW literature.
But I am a voracious reader, and would sneak books home once in a while if I couldn't put it down. When I got
caught, I got whippings and more 3 hour lectures and grounded. Did I mention that I spent lots of time in my room?
I won an award in junior high for reading more books than any other student that year. I never told a soul.
The two times that I tried to tell people about the abuse in my house, I got creamed. The person would go to my
parents and say something like "Tyna says you threw her down the stairs because she didn't mop the floor.
Is that true?" Of course my parents aren't going to admit it, so instead I got a reputation as a liar -
another reason witness kids wouldn't hang out with me.
I was baptized at 16. A younger cousin expressed interest in being baptized, and it put alarm bells in my head.
If I was older than she was and she was being "good" wanting to be baptized, what was that going to
mean for me? My parents would be embarrassed because I wasn't as righteous. And I'd found out long ago that embarrassing
my parents was a bad idea. So I announced that I wanted to be baptized too. So I went through the 100 or so questions
in the back of the Reasoning book with the elders, was pronounced eligible and off we went to get baptized at the
next assembly. The speaker announced from the podium that day that baptism was a serious thing, and not to be
celebrated because young people may decide to get baptized just for the reward factor. So no celebration, just
happy smiles from my family.
After that, nothing really changed. I didn't believe anything that I was taught, but because I didn't know any
better and because I'd discovered it was "unhealthy" for me to question or disagree with anything, I
went along.
When I left home at 19 years old, I just stopped going to the Kingdom Hall. Laziness, basically. I didn't believe
strongly enough to make an effort. And no one came after me. No phone calls or visits from elders. My parents
mentioned once or twice that they hadn't seen me at a recent meeting. I'd usually make some excuse like I was
working nights or something.
I moved to California a couple months before I turned 20. I was introduced to my husband, Michael, by a cousin
a few months later. We fell in love and were married in 6 months. Sept 2001 will be eight years of marriage and
it has been so wonderful! My parents refused to come to the wedding because we did not have an elder from the
JW's or a justice of the peace perform the ceremony. I had an outdoor wedding and was married by a non-denominational
minister, in hopes that even if my parents could not participate, they would at least come. They didn't come.
Oh well, their loss.
I joined an ex-JW support group about a year or so after I married. It was awesome! People were so loving, and
encouraged me to ask questions! The JW's forbid questions because it means that you're second guessing the Governing
Body and who are you to do that?! I had to learn everything over again. I basically had to throw out all my ideas
and beliefs and start over. If the nine or ten things I knew about were wrong, then everything was probably wrong.
The Bible starting taking on new meaning in my readings. I found out that Jesus loves me! The witnesses have
a dark and brooding God who waits for them to make mistakes so he can punish them. I'm so grateful to be free
of it!
The Witnesses are still my hot button. Every time the subject comes up, I enthusiastically make sure everyone
knows that this is a cult and give him or her all the details they can handle. Life is so much better now than
when I was a Witness. My days have more light and joy than before. I was never officially disfellowshiped or
disassociated (that I know of anyway), so I can talk to all the JW's that I want without them turning away. It's
a great opportunity! - Tyna Begley
Email Tyna
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